9-10

Let's just say August was a month from hell. So much death and sickness. My cousin Michelle died August 1, she was only 41. Going to her memorial was bittersweet, I got to see so much family that I haven't seen in years. I sat there and remembered all the memories I have of the many get togethers we used to have. How much fun it was. What happened? Why did everyone drift apart?

My cousin Dave is in the hospital in intensive care, his organs were failing and when I got the news he took a turn for the worst I rushed to the hospital after I got out of work. I live and work within minutes of where he was. Poor Cheri was a wreck, she said the very thing I was thinking, he looks like mom. It was true Dave looked just like his mom did when she was dying. Dave's health seems to be getting better though, like Cheri said he's not out of the woods because everything is so weak but if he does some major changes he can get stronger and live longer. I'm assuming Cheri will take Dave home so she can take care of her very stubborn brother!!!

I had a friend tell me the day after Michelle's memorial she was dying from cancer. We talked about a ton of things because she is in the middle of a divorce and has no family. I mean she talked to her mom but her mom can't do anything for her she has major health problems and is blind. Renee my best friend knows L. The 3 of us have been talking a lot since March. Then L's mom friend requested us on facebook and we accepted. Next thing I know L is telling her oldest daughter she is sick again and this time she's not going to make it. she even told her mom, well she had me tell her mom. I totally forgot L's mom has a great ear and can tell when you lie to her....

L would tell me of these many procedures she had done but yet she would drive herself home? Not even possible. I would tell her to schedule her appointments so I could go with her, any time I would have someone go with her or I would be able to, she cancelled the appointment or had been in the emergency room. Things didn't add up. I told Renee I didn't want to sound like a terrible person but I think L is lying.

L has had a history of doing something like this before. It wasn't saying she was dying but in the past she's been pregnant and miscarried...lie, raped by some boy she really had a crush on....lie, molested by her dad....changed story to stepdad.....lie, dad traded her for drugs...lie

I just explained how my cousin Michelle died, cousin Dave is in ICU, plus I was getting my classroom ready for school to start, A serious issue came up with my youngest daughter,  Renee came into town for her class reunion, my own health issues.  I had a ton on my plate to say the least. I get a text from L saying I guess no one wants to see me no one is responding to my text. Why am I bothering to fight I should just die now. WHAT? Really? L knew the tons of things going on in my life and she is sending me the poor pity no one is paying attention to me text? I responded back, did you seriously just text me that?

Renee calls me right when I get out of work, telling me she had talked to L's mom and L was bashing me to her mom saying I abandoned her, I didn't do this I didn't do that, etc. I was furious. So I got on facebook and pretty much told her I warned her about that behavior before and I was done. I'm a firm believer in you teach people how to treat you and she crossed my line back in July and I told her if she wanted to be my friend not to ever come at me that way again. Well she did and I was done.

Am I coldhearted for that? I really don't care anymore. I have enough going on in my life that I can't have her lies and drama. I have never ever fought with a friend before and her behavior is way off the wall. I feel bad for her and her children but with the stress she brings to the friendship I can't have it.

My adrenals are acting up big time and I'm struggling to take care of me and my family day to day some times.

Then September 3 cousin Nicole died, she is Michelle's sister. When my mom called and told me I was instantly numb. I found out what happened and it's been an emotional roller coaster since. It's not heard of to lose two children in a month, my poor Aunt and Uncle are just devastated!! Nicole left behind 3 babies, 12, 3, and 18 months. They all have different fathers and my uncle wants to keep them. Nicole lived with her parents and they helped her take care of those children. I saw Hannah break down at the memorial and then Olivia asked where's my mommy....OMG that hurt my heart so much, the tears just wouldn't stop coming. I remember when Nicole was born and now she's gone? Why? Grant is only 18 months old, he'll never know his mommy.

Having 3 children myself I couldn't imagine the pain my aunt and uncle are going through. My heart hurts for them. I wish there was something I could do for them but I know the best thing I can do is pray for them and love them.

Doing all that crying makes for some puffy eyes.....but what it also does is drain me.

So today we are going to the Native American Indian Fest and then we are getting together with the many family members. My mom is going to love that before she has to go back to Arizona. I have to say I think she should move back. She and I have always been extremely close and we talk everyday sometimes 2-3 times a day. Having her here to go out and do things together, or just sit in the living room and talk is awesome!!!

That's why for me when my youngest daughter is 18 I don't know if I will move back to AZ I love it there but I have a ton of family here and it's important for me to raise my children around them...I'll still have my son. Which I'm trying to get my oldest back here too. I hate not being able to see her, it's been over a year. Ok i know that's selfish but in all honesty she is thinking about coming back too :)

I love my children what can I say I want them around me, I feel complete when they do. I have a great time with them all here. We do lots of laughing that is for sure. My youngest daughter is hilarious we have an odd way of joking around. Then my son gets in it and I usually end up crying because I'm laughing so hard. That happens all the time.

See laughter is great medicine!!

So now I'm thinking about doing a family reunion, I'm going to talk to my cousin Jill and Joan about it and see if they would be willing to help me.

I have animal medicine cards and the other day I drew the prairie dog, it basically is telling me to retreat and take care of my body and replenish it's health and energy. Is that not exactly what I need or what? Messages come in many forms I learned that long ago.

Oh yea then a few weeks ago a beautiful fox ran out in front of me right by my work. the lil fellow was trotting down the road a bit trying to get to this wooded part. he was a large fox

Family is so very important, stop the bull, and look at how much love and support you can have for each other.

be blessed