5-7

It's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. So much has happened and I don't even know where to begin. Life is always ever changing and I think my life is taking on another big change. Not only am I moving back to Wisconsin I'm also unsure about my marriage. There has been so much over the last 9 years. When you take a vow of for better for worse what does that mean? Is it no matter what? What happens when there have been so many changes?

Over the last 10 years I've changed and grown in ways I never thought possible, while my husband stayed stunted in his codepency. Was he brought into my life for me to help him? I've gotten to the point in my life where I did neglect myself for so long that I won't do it anymore. I took on my husband and children's problems as my own. I forgot about me. Of course we all do that, especially for our children because they are after all our children they are dependent on us. We're supposed to be there to help guide them, give them love, attention, affection, etc. My oldest has such self esteem issues and I've alway encouraged her but yet she does nothing to get out of the rut she's in. I have control of my actions and that's it, I came to realize if she chooses to stay that way there's nothing I can do but continue to love, encourage, and support her. She's just not ready yet. She came here with her own destiny.

When it comes to my husband, I love him but is it the type of love I should have for a husband? I just don't know. I have all these dreams rolling around in my head and the truth is I don't see him by my side fulfilling them. I read somewhere that we should release our relationship to God and let what is meant to be happen. So I've done just that.

My husband has a book called Codepencey No More by Melody Beattie, there is a list that states the different things codependcy looks like my husband has 117 checked off. I had 5.5 checked off, years ago I wouldn't have way more but like I said I've changed so much. I am taking time to take care of me. I do things that nurture me, because of it I'm a better wife, mother, and person. How many times have we heard if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.

So many times we think I can't possibly take care of myself I have so much housework to do, the kids need this, the husband needs that. We just have to prioritize and make time for "me". I'm taking my supplements, eating right, walking, laying in the sun for 20 minutes a day, meditating, praying, listening to relaxing music, hang around supportive loving people, I do fun things that benefits the whole family.

What happens as my husband is going to counseling, doing his affirmations, etc? Will we grow apart? My gut tells me yes. So now what?