4-4-09

So the drama really is continuing. I told the bf that I thought things would be better if we ended it. He doesn't want that at all, he says I'm the love of his life, I inspire him, I balance him, I complete him. I told him people enhance who we are not complete us. He says he's never had someone walk into his heart the way I have. He lost me 20 years ago and isn't giving up on us. The answers are out there that we can fight for us. I had a question pop in my head, if something is meant to be, do you really have to fight for it? Do you do things to make it happen?

So I'm confused to say the least. I decided to take a weekend and go to a hotel room, where no one will no where I am. No phone, no nothing. I may bring my computer so I can search the web, not too sure yet. When I said I needed to do some soul searching, he asked if I thought I would actually get answers? HUH? is he serious? Let's see peace, quiet, noone around, praying, meditation, hot bath, healthy foods, tea, essential oils, candles, incense? Yes I do. I believe the answers are there I'm just not hearing them because they are so jumbled from listening to bf and ex. I told bf I'm the type that needs the quiet and alone time to figure things out especially when it gets way too overwhelming.

The other day I felt like I had so much weight on my shoulders, back, and chest. So I went for a walk before work, put on the ear phones, got the ipod in my pocket and walked. I stretched and did some deep breathing and it's amazing how much better I truly felt.

I'm out of balance and that is so not good. I don't like it, I want to be peaceful again. So I have the room booked and will start to plan what I'm taking. I'll also go to the lake to have some nature time too.

I'm also on the search for some good books, anyone have any suggestions?

Was reading a blog, not sure who's but the woman was telling a story of her friend, how this friend lives spiritual, so how does one live spiritually? The woman went on to say that her friend walked her journey listening to her heart. She found her answers within herself and acted on them. Now that's what I'm talking about!! I can't wait for my weekend!!!!

Ok another question..........
when being in a relationship, that person comes home wraps his arms around you and you get this feeling of calm, serenity, love, joy. Same thing happens when he kisses you, well of course add in desire and passion. what is that? Noone has ever done that to me except this one person