July 1

I've been having alot of headaches lately, sinus and migraine. The migraines seem to be a few days before my period and the sinus is dependant on the weather. That's one thing I didn't deal with often in AZ was my sinues. In Louise Hay's book she said the possible cause of sinus headaches is irritation with a partner. That would forsure be my problem lol.

I have to really ask myself what am I doing in this relationship. I want to give it a chance I want it to work. I already know I can want many things but if the other person doesn't or isn't doing what he should then it's a mut point. I'm the type of person that likes to have stability, yet spontaneity in her life. When I'm running late I let the person know. This man doesn't like to really make plans, he figures if he doesn't say he'll be somewhere at a certain time, he thinks he won't be in trouble. HA, that's not gonna work for me. I'm not sitting around waiting for him to get home, or finish doing whatever. I've talked to him about it. To me it doesn't show much respect. If you know we don't get much alone time and the opportunity presents itself, are you gonna make plans to be with me or pussy foot around? Of course typing this stuff out isn't always the easiest thing to do. I've been getting irritated a lot lately and frankly I don't like it.

I know part of the reason is my life is out of balance. Time to get it back! Lots of questions and the biggest one is am I fooling myself? Is that where this irritation is coming from because maybe deep down I'm not being treated the way I should and I'm holding on for the wrong reasons?

He's been in a bad mood the last few days. I decided I'm not going to let anyone's mood dictate mine. So when I got home from work yesterday I walked in kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he's still grouchy(in a playful way)? Then still playfully told him if he was gonna be crabby he could go to his room and stay there till he got rid of the grouchies. I went about getting things done around the house and his mood seem to get better.
I've been praying for him. There are so many areas in his life where I see lots of negativity. My counselor asked me once if I felt he needed fixing and that I can save him. I laughed and said oh hell no!! We all need fixing in some way, shape, or form but I'm sure not the one that is gonna do any fixing, that's his job. I will be encouraging, we can talk about issues, and if it's something I can't handle and he's not willing to work on it then it's time to move on.

So I started writing down what I want in a relationship. I think I'll give it to him and see what he says. I know there are things that take time to build up to. He just doesn't seem to grasp the common courtesy and respect thing. Another instance. He has a friend name John, John's son was getting married and wanting BF to go. Now it was my understanding that I was invited to go to the wedding also. When the invitation came it was only addressed to BF, normally it will say and guest. I told him so. The wedding was in 4 weeks. I didn't know if I could get a babysitter and also I didn't have anything nice to wear. So the wedding is near and he knew I didn't have anyone to watch my son and knew that I wasn't invited because he never did call John to clarify it.

So he goes to the wedding/reception and is gone for 7 hours. I didn't say a word. I was talking to my exh and he made the comment that he would have never gone to that wedding with out me, especially if I couldn't get a sitter. It's not like it's for someone really important, bf knew the son but wasn't close to him or didn't know him that long. When I mentioned to my best friend Renee what exh said she agreed with him. It did bother me that bf went to the wedding and I wasn't a second thought but I'm tired and didn't want to deal with it. I mentioned to bf what both people had said and he then asked me if i was irritated that he went to the wedding. I told him a little. Nothing was said after that.

I have another appointment with the counselor on the 13th and he's going with. Actions speak volumes and for someone who says he wants to marry me I have to wonder why? You don't treat someone you want to marry that way.

Ok let's get on a happier subject. I'm getting irritated all over again :(

Found a few quotes I really like

Giving up doesn't always mean that you are weak; sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go

Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances- Mohandas Gandhi

My mom is flying in a week from today. I'm very excited to see her, it's been a year. I took off Friday so we can spend the day together. I need to come up with some fun things we can do.

Time for me to get ready for work. Be blessed
till next time :)