Forgiving can be hard

Have you ever had someone that really hurt you? You try to forgive them and then something happens and the anger is right there again? When I was in counseling my counselor once told me that when you are really over someone one way you know you are over them is there isn't an emotional reaction. Made sense I suppose. When I was first hurt I prayed and prayed. I really did a great job of getting over the hurt. There was a time when my ex and I respected each other, truth be told we still had a HUGE emotional tie between us. Still we worked together as parents and friends, life was so much more peaceful.

It truly is hard to stay that way with someone when they want things their way only. Now the peace is gone. When it comes to my children being hurt that is a whole nother ballgame, it was harder to get over. I understand when you remarry things change however, I am still first and foremost my children's mother, my ex is my two children's father.....no matter what. My husband knew this and was very supportive, I mean he entered into our relationship knowing all this. I wish it was that simple for my ex. Doesn't matter how we got to the point where we are. Now it's time to fix it

My spiritual path has changed so much in the past 10 years oh yes it has. I pray and pray for peace, harmony, and restoration in our relationship (as parents). I forgive, I really try to forget. Then something is said or done that isn't right on my ex's part.....and I'm back to square one. I can't pray and then speak ill of him or recall all the bad he's done. Man this can be such a hard thing to stop or is it? I mean thoughts are so powerful and create our life so I have to stop the negative thinking period.

I've read so many different spirituality books from Dali Lama, Native American, Christian, Truth of Life, Louise Hay. I've been truly blessed because they have changed my life for the better.

It's something I have to work on everyday. When my children tell me something that has been done or said about me I HAVE TO LET IT GO. I have to go immediately to God and pray for my ex, release my anger. I see what all this has done to my children, it's not their fault. I have tried very hard to keep them out of the middle of everything, I do not talk bad about their father. At one point in my life, he was the love of my life and I respect that part of my life. It hurts the children so much to have this animosity between their parents. One great thing I can say is they know I don't speak negatively about their dad, they know there are times I don't agree but I keep it to myself (facial expressions also speak volumes), they know I am praying for their dad. I tell them stories about their dad when we were dating, when they were babies, etc so they remember the good times and know that their dad and I weren't always like this.

So I trustingly wait on God.