I was talking to my sisters seeing what was going on with Christmas. The oldest one said she and the hubby are just going to stay home, they are really tired etc etc. Hmmmm wonder if she's really ok, she is a breast cancer survivor. Asked the other sister what is she doing, is she going to her mom's (we have same dad who he disowned us)? She said no....what? So I ask our brother, he is going to his mom's. I feel so bad for E, I know she has to feel terrible that only her son is coming over. The conversations felt all wrong!! Shall I throw a curve ball? Their mom is my cousin. You see my dad married his first cousin. Not gonna touch that one anymore. So I care very much for my sister's and brother's mom.

Isn't Christmas a time to get together with family and celebrate whatever you believe? I'm just sad. I have children, so does #2 sister, and brother. The cousins should all be together making memories so when they are older they can do the remember when thing!!

So I'm making Christmas dinner at my house for my family. I have a turkey and a ham. I'll make gluten free stuffing and I can't wait to try it. My son hasn't had stuffing in a year. He has had to be gluten free since February. Not only gluten free but sugar and brown rice syrup is a no no for him. Agave or honey is fine. Thanksgiving I made a very yummy apple cobbler I used agave. I might make that again for dessert. I also found a recipe for cranberry sauce where I can use honey or agave. I've made it before so I know that will turn out tasting good.

This has been a crazy week with my kids. My #2 daughter was sick Tuesday, #1 daughter sprained her ankle and Wednesday she was put in a splint and has crutches, then my son started getting sick Wednesday night and never stopped till 11 am yesterday. I was starting to get worried, he was up all night in the bathroom. He even made a little bed on the floor so he could lay down. Luckily there is a heater right there so it keeps the floor warm. He couldn't keep anything down, not even small sips of room temperature water. I gave him some homemade chicken soup, just the broth about 11 and also gave him so organic ginger ale. He kept all that down. Thank God other wise I was taking him in to make sure he wasn't dehydrated! He then had toast at 1 and did very well. He fell asleep on me for an hour by 6 he was craving a cheeseburger. LOL my son was back!!! His cheeks were a bit rosy but he's feeling much better.

I had to joke around with him because he knew yesterday was payday for his dad and I so I wanted to get the shopping finished for dinner and Christmas. He got sick on purpose so he didn't have to go. So now that he just woke and after having a great night sleep he is gonna go today :). Told him I found a great recipe for stuffing and he's licking his lips already!!!

I'm making a special appetizer for my #2 daughter, she loves cream cheese and black olives on sociable crackers. So that is her special treat tomorrow. Wish my eldest daughter was here, we all miss her so much.

OOOH I just thought of another yummy appetizer I haven't made in years. It's cream cheese, powdered italian dressing, cut up beef budding meat and mixed together in a ball. oh wow. Maybe I'll make that for New Year's eve?

Got a call from my dr. Wednesday about my blood sugar and calcium results which wow that was fast I had the blood taken Tuesday. But the blood sugar was 88 and that was impressive because i had 2 cups of coffee 2 hours prior. I'm thinking it's because I use agave in my coffee but I use Coffee mate's Italian Cream creamer. I know it has stuff in there that's not so good for us but it is so yummy!! Then my calcium is at 9.5 which is right in the middle I guess the ranges are 8.7-10.2. Makes me wonder what is going on with my Vit D? I've been taking high doses of it. It's not like I can sit outside in this lovely Wisconsin weather. Although when the sun is out I sit in the spot where it's shining :). Dr. Mercola has a tanning bed that uses only uvb rays, man I wish I could get one. He also has the type that you can put on the back of a door. That would be nice to have. Get my D levels up and some color on me.

Going through this hormonal imbalance crap sure is hard. I have lots of information so I know I'll beat it and get myself back on track. Maybe going back to Az is better for me after all.

Owell I better get my gushy in gear. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Be Blessed, filled with Love and Light!!!

12-20

I have the next 2 weeks off of work. YEAAAA, but yet I miss the kids. I've been trying to do some deep cleaning in the house so catch up on it. I don't have a dirty house by any means but I like it cleaner. Having 2 cats is work! I have to sweep every other day (fur) especially in the bathroom where their litter box is in. I need to get in my room because I have to do laundry and get present wrapped, plus I need to finish decorating it. I want it to be relaxing, yet sexy. I LOVE purple and want to keep that in there.

Just finished a book called Spirit Healing: Native American Magic and Medicine by Mary Dean Atwood. It was a good book, I checked it out from the library and want to add it to my collection. I wonder if my Great Great Grandma did the ceremonies and kept with their ways? Wish I would've known her.

My son is going to be 11 in a few days and I can't believe it and then a week in a half later my oldest will be 21...now that one I really can't believe. Wish she would be here for Christmas, I miss having a Christmas with all my children :(.

I'm starting a new thing with my kids, we are going to have a kid's cook night. My youngest daughter and son will be the ones doing it. They can take turns. I have kid's cookbooks so it will be easy for them. We'll make a menu so that way it's planned and I can have the ingredients on hand when it's their day. I'm trying to find fun traditions to start with them. I have some now but want more.

tsk tsk

I do wish I could be consistent on here. I knew with me going back to work the beginning of September that I would be busy and boy was I right. Today I have love on my mind. Is there really such thing as a soulmate? That person that is "the one", that no matter what you have this connection? When I watched Madea's Family Reunion, there was a part where Cicely Tyson says how blessed she was to have found someone God made just for her, how their heart's beat the same rhythm, how he would say the very thing that was on her mind. He passed away and the rhythm is off but she was so very fortunate to have loved and been loved so strong. Wow!

Is there a love that even after many years of being together you still have a strong passion? I think I know at least one couple....My Uncle and his wife, they have been married for 55 years, had 9 children, and to this day when my uncle speaks of his wife there is a twinkle in his eyes, when he passes her whether in the kitchen or in the living room he touches her, he's always affectionate, attentive, loving, etc.

I wonder if I will ever have such a love. I feel that way about someone now but he also angers me to no end. He is so immature especially for being 11 years older than I am. He has kept himself closed off from people for so long he doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship, I think subconsciously ruins it. When I am around him I feel like I'm at home, when we used to make love there was so much passion, yet we never fully got to know each other's body wonder what it would've been like if we had. He made me laugh, no we made each other laugh all the time, we could talk about everything and anything. Well almost he had his ways of dancing around subjects. He doesn't know how to give himself fully.

Yet he frustrated me so much. Because of his walls. He says I walked into his heart and mind like there wasn't walls but there was I found them. I might have gotten in further than others but still they are there.

I love him, I have for 25 years yet we can't be together. I can't be with someone who can't understand why I compromise and work with my ex-husband when it comes to my children. I still have 2 children that I'm raising and a role model to. How in the world can this happen?

Why can't loving him be easier? Why can't his priorities be in a different order?

Maybe he isn't "the one" and if there is a man out there that I feel more than I do about this one then I can only hope I have the honor of being with him soon.

So what does one do when they are in a relationship with someone they love but don't have that passion? They do have a great friendship and they are there for each other. Is that all it is then is a wonderful friendship? When they make love they have fun and he can find the spots in her that set her off more than anyone else ever has. Is she settling? She feels there is so much missing in her relationship.

Hopefully someday I can answer my own questions and then I can help my fellow girlfriends :)

Vampire Diaries is on tonight, so I must get ready for that.... lol

Queen

Just read Queen Latifah's Ladies First. It really is a good book! It got me thinking about the things she said: You don't have to accept anyon'es monkier for yourself. You define who you are. At times we feel ike we have no control over people or situations in our lives but that's the furthest from the truth. We have an enormous control of our attitude, perspective, and actions. think about how often we allow outside influences to dampen our attitude and mess with our perspective. All things start inside your sould and work outward. Thoughts are powerful, words are powerful. What you put out in the spoken and written word is what you'll get back. Never forget who you are. You are a child of God, you are a Queen.

A queen is a queen when riding high and when clouded in disgrace, shame, or sorrow, she has dignity. Being a queen has little to do with exterior things, it's a state of mind. With God as teh center of your life, you can never be dethroned. No matter what a girl's status or her place in life....she's royalty!

Being a queen was placed there before we were ever formed in the womb and being female gets you halfway there. It starts insdie by feeling good about yourself.. A queen has high esteem, she is proud of who she is, whether she is in corporate or a cleaning lady, whether she's an athele or a housewife. She knows right from wrong and strives to do her best. She doesn't player hate or try to put other women down. A real queen in so focused on keeping herself tight that she doesn't have time to be worried about being catty or jealous of another woman.

A real queen is so intent on raising herself up that she can be proud of what her fellow queens are doing, because she's okay with herself and with God. Queen is the ultimate woman

Makes you stop and think how very special we are. I know I'm unique and I have plenty to offer. No more negative talk about myself. which is something I've been working on for years. I have to be honest and admit I'm struggling with the weight gain i've had but even with that I'm still beautiful and I deserve a great life. My main focus is to be healthy and feel good, if the added plus is weight loss and adorable new clothes it's just a perk :)

Then of course I think of being a female as being a treasure, I just have to have fun figuring out what gem I am, heck maybe I'm many different gems. What about you? What gem are you, since you're already a queen?

ramble

I made blueberry buttermilk pancakes this morning. My son was in heaven, I do have to say I loved them myself! I've never made buttermilk pancakes from scratch, years ago I made the boxed ones and let me tell you they are nothing compared to homemade!!! I've really never been a pancake person, they were always too heavy for me. When I made the pancakes today I used oat flour, so far so good no reaction from my son. I usually use Pamela's baking mix. I will forsure make these again.......YUMMM

I have started making lists for myself again, I feel like I'm becoming a bum. Maybe it's to prove to myself I am being productive lol. One of the things on my list today is to do more research on dyslexia. I got out the Dr. report on what he recommended for my son and read that again. I've learned very quickly that dyslexia is very different for each person. I tend to feel a build up of anxiety when I'm overwhelmed with information and getting no where with it. I feel like there isn't enough help out there. The school tries to pass off dyslexia but when you say reading disability it's better.....OK what's the difference?!?!? I'm going to call the Dr. on Monday to see if there is somewhere I can bring my son to for the therapy he needs or at least give me products I can use. I'm already doing that with the decoding and fluency (www.greapleaps.com).

I have a ton of Magic Tree House books and was told that it's at my son's reading level. My mom told me about Henry Winkler being an author, that I didn't know. He wrote a book series called Hank Zipzer (www.hankzipzer.com) it's about himself growing up. I also didn't know Henry is dyslexic. So that is my next purchase is this book series.

Then there's the 14 year old daughter (#2)......I need all the positive thoughts and prayers possible :). This young lady is going to test the boundaries and then some. Her father and I are complete opposites, when she gets in trouble he yells and carrys on, I on the other hand remain calm, say quick prayers in my head, then ask her what was she thinking? We chat and the consequences are handed out. I have to reread the book Closing the Gap by Dr. Phil's son. It was a great help for me with my oldest daughter but I read it like 6 years ago I believe. #2 dear daughter is one that is over bearing at times then can be the biggest sweetheart. Talk about jeckyl and hyde!!! There's never a dull moment with my children. I'm much definitly very blessed.

I started taking more vitamin C the past 4 days, I take 2,000mg in the morning, 1,000mg in the afternoon and 1,000mg late evening. I've noticed a big difference in how I feel. Yay me!!

Look at the time, it is now lunch time and I need to get in the shower to get my tushy in gear.

Be Blessed

7-30

I've certainly had a month packed with visiting family. Which of course is a great thing. My oldest daughter was here the end of June/beginning of July. My mom was here for 2 weeks, she just left Monday. My oldest daughter is living with my mom in my favorite state AZ, she's going to school. Not exactly sure what she wants to do but she's still going to school. I tell her not to stress out about what she wants as a career, I was 32 years old before I figured it out, who would've thought when I was 20 I would end up a preschool teacher. Even though my dream is to be a counselor.

It's been awesome having the summer off. I'll be going back to work in 4 weeks. A part of me is a bit sad because i didn't do most of the things I wanted. Maybe I should write them down on a to do list and then they'll get done :). I was reading a magazine yesterday and in it there was a question that made me pause. What does home mean to you?

Very good question indeed!! What does home mean to me? To me home means more than a place to keep your things or sleep. I moved into a new apartment and this one feels warmer and more comfortable. I love the way the furniture is warm and inviting, my kitchen is smaller than what I'm used to but it's cute, the scent of different smells going on whether it's coffee brewing in the morning, or a pot of yummy spaghetti sauce simmering all day. let's not forget the sound of my children arguing or laughing. My home holds my belongings yet gives me a safe place to relax, to sit in silence, to connect to God.

I'm reading "The Way of the Wizard bye Deepak Chopra, can't comment just yet on what I think of it, I've only read 2 pages :). Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time to do everything I want. Exercise, cook, clean, help son with reading, learn more about dyslexia, reading, writing, etc etc etc. Maybe I should write it all down in my appointment book and then I can spend a set time on each thing through out the week, hmmm that might work.

Hubby wants some cupcakes so I'm trying to find some healthy cupcakes to make for him but also gluten free ones so my son can have some too. And now my son needs help with breakfast so I better get off of here.

Be blessed

7-15

I figured out why I was a bit off the past few months and feeling irritable. Got my blood test results back and my t4 is low. After looking at the rest of my results my progesterone, vit D, are also low :/ and to boot my liver isn't running properly STILL. UGH!!! Part of it is my own fault, I get busy and then I eat fast food..........big no no. So I'm working on making sure I don't forget to take something out for dinner and if I do I keep quick meals on had.

Been enjoying having the summer off with my son. We started volunterring at Kindred Kitties, a shelter for cats. Most of the cats are so funny and affectionate, then there are some that are so skittish and scared, I just talk to them so they get some kind of attention. My son has a blast playing with them. It's good for him to give his time to giving love to animals. We also go walking down town look at the old buildings. We've recently been reading about Robert Frost and his work. I got the paper work from the Dr. and he went into detail on how to help my baby with the dyslexia. So reading the poems are helping. Plus I got a curriculum for kids with reading disabilities. He does it without a complaint :)

Found out on a gluten free diet you have to be careful with the pastas, breads, etc because they make the blood sugar raise quicker than wheat. I didn't realize that, good to know, so I told my son we need to make sure we are eating fresh foods and limit the pastas and breads. Although there is a pizza place around here that has gluten free pizza, which is quite yummy!!!

I'm supposed to start the castor oil packs again, just have to wait till payday to get the stuff. http://www.diagnose-me.com/treat/T350155.html has great info on what different things the packs are good for.

5-15-10

I've been going to the library lately and checking out different books. I read The Right Questions by Debbie Ford. Excellent book!!! It really opened my eyes on many different actions that I've taken without considering the impact it would have on my life present and future. Not only that but were they decisions that would bring me my highest good and was it honoring me? Awesome book, I will be buying it!!!

Next book I just finished reading is Feeling Fat, Fuzzy, or Frazzled by Richard Shames M.D. LOVE this book. I've been dealing with all this stuff for years, and after reading this book I think I've been dealing with it for 24 years!!! There's alot I knew in the book but yet it helped me to link what I'm going through much better. It's going to take time, patience, and me being very active in my healing.

So after reading those 2 books I have some decisions to make about my life. On a better note my son is doing fabulous with his diet change and the supplements he is on. I'm trying to find a tutor that can help him with the dyslexia. I'm so confused about what do I do? I don't know how to go about helping him. I know he learns differently and the school hasn't gotten back to me about what they are going to do to help him. That is on my call list Monday!

For the last week or so I've been feeling off, more like my irritation is very high. I got my yearly blood work done and am waiting for the results, the nurse did call and say my T4 is low. Doesn't surprise me since my body temp is at 97.2. Instead of it really upsetting me I'm taking a step back. I'm so thankful for the Dr.'s that have come across my path over the years and given me the knowledge that I do have not to mention the different books, articles, etc I've read. I know what I need to do and I know I'm on the right path to finally getting my hormones balanced and then the rest of my body will do what it's supposed to.
I have a list of things I can do:
journaling
massage, swedish and deep tissue
sauna
eating and drinking healthy
exercise: walking, gentle biking, swimming, yoga, dancing
resting when I know I need it
supplements
meditation
prayer
affirmations
having supportive, positive people in my circle
acupuncture
volunteering
hydrotherapy
colonic
aromatherapy
flower essence

There is so much I can do, I'm excited to get it all going. I'm getting a plan together

Which reminds me I have to get my menu going for the next 2 weeks, ta ta for now be blessed

4-17-10

Funny my last post was about how I ran into my Dad at Kohl's and now I'm going to add more about him. Facebook is a wonderful thing I have found many friends from high school and also added many family members I haven't seen or spoken to in years. One cousin of mine I've always loved dearly and been close to, she is from my dad's side of the family. Because of Facebook my cousin and mom are friends on there. I guess my cousin and mom chatted on the phone yesterday for over an hour. My mom was told my dad has mesotheliaoma and isn't doing well. My mom wanted me to know so I can make peace with him.....me make peace with him? I didn't do anything to cause the seperation between us, he gave up his parental rights and never looked back. Not only to me but my 2 sisters and brother.

I guess I shocked her because she thought I would call him. Uh no. I'm very sorry he is sick and I will pray for him. I have had so much happening to me especially the last 5 years I don't want anymore hurt or stress. I text my sisters about it and ended up on the phone with my oldest sis, we both got choaked up but agree to leave things alone. My other sister is a bit more angry about it and that's just her way of dealing with it.

I'm no longer with my boyfriend, he pretty much gave up on us. When you have someone changing their whole life from a marriage ending, moving 1800 miles, children, job, etc etc it takes time to get things together. Instead of being by my side he chose to give up. I have moments where I really struggle with missing him but when I look back on his actions I have to move on. There were many great things about him and yet many things that drove me nuts so to speak. I could see how his negativity was holding him back from a better life and it was hard. I pray alot for him. Funny thing is, the last time we broke up he gave back all my belongings and we didn't speak. It's different he texts me and we talk on the phone sometimes, in fact last week he made a comment he decided to call me because I never call him.....uhhh I didn't wanna be a pain, so he asks when has that stopped me before (joking of course). OOOOH I see, someone wants to fight lol :). Like I said I really do miss him, I miss laughing, joking, and spending time together. Can't force someone to stay or do the right thing so now I'm just working on me still.

My adrenals are doing so much better. My blood pressure looks good. My body temp is still a bit low so my thyroid doesn't seem to be up to par. I recently heard about Clean Eating, I saw the magazine at BF's sister's house almost a year ago and loved it. I've picked up 3 magazines and then decided to subscribe to it. I'm really excited to cook and eat better!! Especially since my son now has a food sensitivity to not only anything corn but now sugar and wheat. He's also been found dyslexic and I'm trying to get him on the right track. I have him seeing a homeopath for the food issues oh yea and they are saying he's ADHD but it's the hyperactivity that is the issue......uumm that's what happens with food sensivity also so is it really ADHD? We are eating Clean and Gluten Free, sometimes he gets really frustrated but I tell him what a blessing it is cuz he'll be so healthy.

We went out to breakfast today and then walked around the lake which was 3 miles wooo hooo!!! that is so awesome I remember when I could only walk 5 minutes and need a nap. My body really has come along way. I don't like the weight I've gained but I'm not worried, I'll get rid of it.

Went to see Tyler Perry's Why did I get married too? It was good!!! There was a part in there where a couple was talkin about their marriage. The gentleman said Pure love never returns void. Gave me something to pause on....

my affirmation today is:
My good comes from everyone, everything, everywhere

Be Blessed